If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
