Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
