you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
