I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
