Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
