i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
