Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
