the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
