I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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