Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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