Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
