I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
