This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
