If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
