tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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