I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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