Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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