watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
