I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
