I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
