when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Green mimosas i think yes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
wow bdsm is so cute
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