My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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