I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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