i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
