Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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