btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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