I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
