chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
