I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
