Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you will always have a special place in my vag
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
