Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
