Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
