She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
These tits shall not be calmed
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