I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
