Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
