also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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