I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
