haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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