You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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