Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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