I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
