Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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