Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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