its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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