So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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