I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
