My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This house was built for laser tag.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
