Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
