areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
