You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
