And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
