do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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